i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize