his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
