I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
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