ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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