i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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