Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You were trust falling into bushes
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
