We named our party play list daddy issues
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
