that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
