is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
