I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
