A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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