he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize