Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
