3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
