Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
