Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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