In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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