Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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