But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
A bitchslap is in order.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize