this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I will pee on everything he values.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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