So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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