okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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