im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
