I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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