You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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