I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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