what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
