i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
