like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
