Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
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