Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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