I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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