when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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