i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The adults are the big ones right?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
