apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
