After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
