all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
