Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
