i just had sex bonerless
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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