i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
