Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
