Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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