Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My breasts were aching with rage.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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