singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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