No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
