is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
