So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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