I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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