mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
