My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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