She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
