i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
