I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
