I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
