i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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