I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
