he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize