We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
