I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Text me some of your sweat
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