I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
as a side note pls kill me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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