Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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