guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
