Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
