So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize