He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
