I'm gonna have a badass scar
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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