Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
