can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Fuck appropriateness.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
