How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
