summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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