Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize